The first week of your life

I stayed in hospital for the first four days after you was born.

Immediately after you was born i just held you for a while taking in how beautiful you looked. Listening to you making those little baby noises in awe over what your daddy and i had created.

You then had your first good long breastfeed and after about half an hour we got out the pool.

I laid down with you on the bed and after the midwife made sure mummy was ok you latched on again for another feed. We all had some tea and toast and eventually i went for a shower and got settled in my bed on the ward.

I think your daddy and Oma left us for a while to get showered and to then come back with congratulation cards.

When night came though i couldn't sleep. I was so overwhelmed and still high on endorphines all i could do was lay there and stare at you sleeping, waiting for you to wake up and want a feed again.

I lived in a state of happy bliss and disbelief mixed with proudness and exhaustion. We coped well though, you and I and after one of the midwives tips to put you next to me while sleeping, because you wouldnt settle, we started co sleeping. Thank you to whoever that midwife was, I loved it from the word go.

Even though we were doing alright and Daddy and Oma wanted us to come home i wanted to stay in hospital just one more night to make sure i could get you latched on properly for a feed. When the last night passed without us needing any help at all, and after you had had all your checks, we left the hospital and took you home. We got greeted by banners and balloons and more cards. I cant describe the feeling of bringing you home, it was just too amazing to put into words.

I was truly the happiest person in the world to have my own little family in my own little home.

How it all started

Weeks, if not months before you were due I was packing my overnight bag for hospital. I was so excited to finally be meeting you i wanted to be well prepared. In fact i packed and re-packed my suitcase about 4 times. Every time i made sure your little outfits, the one you would wear first, the one you would come home in, the fluffy suit you would were over the top to keep you warm, were packed away neatly, i would hold them up imagining you in them kicking and crying for booby no doubt. I could hardly wait, but still a few weeks to go. You stayed in my warm and ever expanding belly untill 4 days before your due date.

Our little bundle of joy (you) arrived on Saturday, the 10th of February 2007 at 9.36 am.

My contractions started at 8 pm the night before, although i thought they were braxton hicks (again!)

At 10pm however you decided to give an almighty kick and broke my waters. I then told your dad and Oma that i think you were finally on your way.

I started making sandwiches for daddy and Oma (which we forgot,obviously) inbetween contractions which were coming about every 5 minutes.

After a while Oma went to bed and daddy and i went to our bedroom - although i didnt sleep. I had already rang the birthing centre at Castle Hill hospital to let them know my contractions had started and they told me to take it easy and try to sleep, take a couple of paracetamols and maybe have a bath. I took the paracetamols and was using my tens machine but at two in the morning i decided it was time to go to hospital. I rang the birthing centre again and they were happy for me to come in. Then followed the longest and most painful 20 minutes i have ever spent in a car. Finally, when we parked at Castle Hill i got out and made my way slowly to the entrance pausing for a contraction half way, leaning against a signpost pushing my boost button on my tens machine, panting.

Daddy and Oma caught up with me and we went inside where the midwive examined me. 2cm dilated! Not time to get into the birthing pool yet, so we sat down in the dayroom and watched some awful 2.30 am television, me bouncing on a birthing ball and digging my fingers into your daddys legs as i grabbed hold of him during contractions... good for him he didnt complain!

Eventually the midwives ran me a bath and i got in, tried to relax a bit but contractins were coming every 3 minutes or so. You really wanted to get out!

While daddy and Oma kept splashing water over my tightening belly i tried to breath and keep relaxed... not an easy task!

At about 4.30 am i was allowed in the birthing pool and what a relief that was! By this point i truly was in a world of my own, all i remember is a haze of contractions, sipping water and sucking sweets. The gas and air took me even further away, made me feel like i had had a rather good night round town, actually. after the first few contractoins using the gas and air the midwife asked me how i felt, all i could think of was "PISSED" which made everybody laugh.

At about 8.30 you had me begging for some more pain relief, i knew i wouldnt get anything but i wasnt giving up easy. At about 9am i went quiet, i knew you wouldnt be long now. without anybody saying anything i moved position, onto my back, still floating in the water. i started pushing you into this world. I concentrated all my energy into pushing you out so i could hold you and watch you, see you for the first time.

9.34, your head appeared between my legs

9.36 your daddy caught you as you was born, he lifted you up onto my belly in which you had spent the last nine months. I saw you and fell in love with you at first sight. I wanted to cry for joy but i was so tired. Your daddy was holding back his tears as was your Oma.

You then spent the next 2 hours attached to my breasts, suckling for comfort for it had been a hard journey for you aswell.

We worked well together and I am glad everything happened the way i hoped it would.

But most of all, you made me the happiest person in the whole wide world, by being my baby and being perfect in my eyes.

I will love you forever x

Your Mami